I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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