Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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