absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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