We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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