just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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