the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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