she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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