is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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