I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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