I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
