I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
