Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
