Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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