explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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