Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
