Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The air was thick with penises
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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