I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i believe in u and ur pee
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
