Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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