I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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