There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
