the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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