You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
