Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
