i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
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