i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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