i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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