Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I can't put those talents on a resume
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
