I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
