; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
