I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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