awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
