Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Randomize
