i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
