Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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