Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
