I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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