I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize