so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
