He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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