It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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