I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
