Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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