Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
