You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
