Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
