Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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