Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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