Ambien. No doubt about it.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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