Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
