First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
