Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
