this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
