dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
