She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
So squirting runs in the family.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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