Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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