I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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