So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
