So drunk its hurt
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
