But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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