i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize