i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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