can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
