Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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