You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
