If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
