beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
