This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
