Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
