meet me or not, i'm out of control
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
