Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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