Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
