You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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