New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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