I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
