to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
