i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
