if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
