maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize