There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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