if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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