Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
